Free Access

Technically I am an employee of the American government, a representative of the American people to the Malagasy people and vice versa.  What I write on these blogs has the potential to reach anyone who has access to internet therefore it’s my responsibility to censure myself at all times.  This has had its limitations and has proven itself to be difficult.  I’m dissuaded from blogging most times because of the fear that the content may offend or shock some or put myself in a dangerous position.  Rather, I opt to share most of my true daily trial and tribulations, as well as my full opinions of life here, and politics with my personal diary.  Although we are removed from the direct pressures of State employees we are still bound by the same mechanisms.  

As Peace Corps volunteers we are obligated to protecting the dignity of our host countries as well as the United States government.  My greatest fear would be to misrepresent Madagascar to the outside world, since not much information is available about this nation nor is this place an easily accessible travel destination to many. No matter how objectively I strive to write I’m bound to be somewhat biased, but have I been biased enough?

I’ve undergone a change of heart lately, ever since my medical nightmare.  I’m unable to place my finger on exactly what it is.  Perhaps after allowing myself to suffer physically and mentally for five months due to my passivity towards my health I find shutting myself up distasteful. Maybe the frustrations of living in a culture that can be labeled as passive by most Westerners and my resolve to disagree with it is the reason for my transformation in attitude.  I’ve decided that its OK not to agree 100% with my host culture’s sensibilities and views.  The romance that all foreigners have towards their host countries eventually diminishes as reality starts to kick them in their shins.  My shin has been a kick-ed many a time, believe me .  My refraining from posting blogs that would make my family and friends worry about me has its function, but how honest am I  really being?

Fear is an essential emotion, and some may argue the most important, since it helps us confront threatening issues in our lives and helps keep us alive.  But there is a difference between real fear and irrational fear.  Realistically, would my daily survival here change if I was more open when I post blogs online, mostly for an audience half-way across the world, who are probably sipping on their Starbucks lattes (the idea  an alternate reality to me now)? Isn’t my goal to educate and share about life here, to work as a cultural ambassador? I hope to deliver more open and honest depictions of Malagasy life from now on and also it serves as a catharsis. So know that if I don’t frequently post blogs from herein out its due to laziness or lack of internet than anything else.