Tuesday, October 9, 2012

Bourgeois Bohème

So you want to be a Peace Corps Volunteer?  I've found that there are two major categories of Peace Corps volunteers: those who joined in idealistic hopes of changing the world, and those who desire a change of pace. Perhaps to liberate themselves from a taxing relationship or tired of the drudgery of their corporate job.  Both camps crave further personal direction, adventure, and answers to lifes existential questions.  The first group tends to become disillusioned early on in their service.  They've taken their first real bite at development work, and as this reality sinks in they grow disillusioned as their naivite fades.  We crave nice things such as hot showers, fast internet, and four star hotels even though we joined for the challenge.  We realize that living like a local 24/7 is not as easy or romantic as we thought it would be.  We are a product of our culture and environment more than we would like to admit.  This once idealistic group many times feel useless and begin wondering why they've sacrificed two years of their life with out any concrete evidence to show others of the work they've done.  They feel like a failure, since the realization that this country will be burdened with poverty for the next several generations to come finally sinks in.  This group is avoiding working in a"real job" and the obligations of paying back school loans.  They snobbily smile to themselves as they witness everyone at home falling in line with societies demands and expectations thinking to themselves, "thank God that's not me". In reality we are prolonging real adult responsibilities.

 The second category of volunteers, usually belongs in their upper twenties and beyond age group.  They've spent years accumulating practical job experience, and have cushioned their savings account.  This group usually comes with the most emotional baggage that they are desperately attempting to run away from.  Having not been able to build relationships that will root them down in the States they decide to scram to the third-world with a "to hell with it all" attitutde.  They've made a  complete career change.  They pray that they'll find happiness here.  The seek to leave all the skeletons behind and forge a new identity for themselves.  But in reality these skeletons follow them and they are unable to find the answers they were hoping for.  The answers don't come from outside they are cultivated within.  All volunteers for the most part have been born into or made it themselves into the middle-upper/ upper class of American society, otherwise how would they be able to afford to up and leqave to live in poverty for two years?  They are highly educated, equipt with leftist sentiments, and creed cultural relativisim.  We are the bourgeoisie bohème.  And this demographic in socieity builds up the majority of those employed in development work worldwide, not just in Peace Corps.

We are asked to represent America to the outside world, even though we define but a narrow population of it.  We are asked, "not what our country can do for us but what we can do for our country." After fifty years what is the cumulative product of all of our labor abroad?  In part, we have eeen sent abroad as a sort of goodwill ambassador.

We are asked to mitigate the guilt committed by American military and corporate bodies worldwide.  But alot of times we fail to create a possitive image as I'v e seen many of my fellow PCVs fall into alcoholism and other self-destructive behaviors as a coping mechanism to loneliness, feelings, of isolation, and difficulties with integration.  We oftentimes have an air of entitlement perhaps stemming from the ease and convenience of the life we lead as Americans. We expect Peace Corps to provide stable work.  In reality we've just not done our homework and have not realized that the main goal even though stated in our mission statement is not the alleviation of poverty.  If it was then we would be given insane amounts of money for infrastructure and sensibilization projects and not have our salaries tied to the local wage?  I make around 2,300 USD a year.  We would not have been placed in rural areas with no running water, electricity, internet, and sometimes food.  At the lowest point of my weight I had lost 25 pounds and thought morning, afternoon, and evening solely about food, how I would get it, where I would buy it, and how my body would use the nutrients.   Honestly if one was really expected to do hardcore income generating work would we be put in situations where all we are focused on is survival and everyone around us is only focused on survival? And if everyone around us is focused on how they are going to feed their children, then how can you expect them to take risks that could lead to potentially starvation?

Throughout ones service we unintentionally compare ourselves to other volunteers living and work situations since disparate throughout the country. The volunteers in areas with greater wealth such as Tana and around the highlands where there is more food security have more to brag about in terms of work successes on average.  They are placed in clusters with other volunteers, being able to form a strong support network.  However, they deal with other struggles, often times corruption, security issues, and annoying intrigue within themselves. We are asked to be flexible since we are for the most part told where we will live.

But despite all of this Peace Corps has been the single best experience of my life.  I would be lying if I say its been an easy ride, but despite all of the hardship I can only see good that's come of it.  Seeing others less fortunate around me and feeling helpless to make substantial change in their lives does not leave me in a place of despair but rather of gratitude. I've learn to be grateful of all that I've been given, and understand that my successes in life has been on the backs of others and have not been gained on my own merit.  Finding those few volunteers and people within my community have help keep me a float in difficult times, making me realize its quality versus quantity that counts.  And although I may not have accomplished much or will receive much positive reinforcement for what I have done its the intangible benefits and not the tangible successes that matter.  I have the rest of my career to pursue projects in development work if this is the path that I choose.  I came in as a megalomaniac, a bright eye idealist with little experience under my belt but packed with textbook economic development models in my head. I am glad that I've choosen to start with Peace Corps, its not only taught me self-reliance but the limitations of one person. Perhaps JFK and Sargeant Shriver didn't design Peace Corps to be an effective poverty alleviating institution but the lessons learned within the individual are invaluable.  As returned PCVS we bring back a new worldview which we extend to the public and private spheres in our life.

Monday, October 8, 2012

A regular yuppie

So I've become one of those obnoxious yuppies that you can find running around town equipt with fancy tennis shoes, matchy-matchy flattering sports outfits, and timer in hand.  Sometimes in the evening you might even find me working out with elastic bands to pilates/ yoga videos.  I've found that regular exercise helps me keep in check mentally and even helps balance me emotionally, and all the paraphernalia only acts as encouragement. Usually I run from my house to the large Bank of Africa sign three kilometers to and fro pass a hamlet of brickmakers, a Chinese cotton company, stands that sell pickled mangos, and a defunct gas station. It helps to run in the morning if I've had particular difficulty falling asleep because of my anti-malarial pills, a harsh nightmare, or basic anxieties that keep my mind from a peaceful rest.  The sun rises around five a.m. This is the time that you'll see young men start to come out on their ox-pulled wagons and the roosters begin to crow.  You feel the dampness of the ground dissapear as the sun rise dries up the evenings dew.  However my favorite time to run is in the evening especially after a stressful day.  It helps me put things into persepective.  I'm completely in my own "zone", as all the distractions are phased out with nothing in site but miles and miles of red earth and dry grass...not quite conducive to growing food crops.   At the end of my run I usually no longer feel stressed.  Stress never lasts forever but then neither will my time in Madagascar. Words fail to describe this beautiful landscape scenery, but I try to stain mental images that i'll hopefully remember for years and years after my service.