I apologize for not posting any new blogs since February. Time sped up for me around the close of my service as I was working hard to tie up loose ends. My head was spinning from everything that needed to be done as I was trying to balance all the post Peace Corps arrangements and embrace my last days in Madagascar. All of the goodbyes were emotionally draining. After spending two years somewhere you develop close bonds with the individuals who made living in a once foreign environment that much more familiar. I started to call a place that seemed once so strange and frightening home. It's hard to fully articulate all of the thoughts and feelings that I underwent these past few months being in constant transition. I'm going to take these following months finally being in a stable state to reflect on my two year service in Madagascar and to communicate what my reintegration in America is like.
My plane landed in Minneapolis on July 3rd, after being gone for approximately 1,461 days. Tears streamed down my face. It was an emotional catharsis from all of the pent up homesickness. I was finally home after being gone for over two years! I was greeted by my sister and mother at the airport gate and then driven straight to my grandparents home to finally indulge in the home cooking I dreamed endlessly about during my service. I've been back for a little over one week. Not that much has changed on a surface level, Obama is still president, my parents still go to work, my brother is still in high-school, our economy is still recovering from recession, my Toyota Avalon still sits in the garage, etc. Everyone keeps telling me its as if I never left and all has settled back to normal. I feel I'm burning inside, as I am desperately trying to keep up with the pace of life, to adjust to the climate, the dress, the behaviorism's of the U.S. Even keeping up with conversation complete in English has been a bit of challenge. I've received a few comments that my speech has slowed down significantly since I left.
But now that I am back, strangely I feel a bit alienated. I've reduced my "African" experience to a few digestible statements, that really reflect what the other person has preconceived about this "black hole" continent, and also to amusing anecdotes that truly doesn't explain real life in Madagascar. I've found I am only able to produce broad answers to broad questions such as: "What was it like?" and "How was that?" I've compartmentalized my life in Madagascar, as everything seems to be compartmentalized in this country: time, work, relationships.
I've received many comments/ questions as to, "how it feels to be in the real world?" or "now that you're in the real world..." and really I am at lost as to how to react properly. I am trying my best to not be offending by this since I know these individuals are well-intention. I suppose its hard to fathom a place that most only put on a map due to a silly Disney cartoon with talking animals. Life in Madagascar for me was real. I wasn't able to numb myself to my surroundings by air-conditioning, hopping in a smooth car ride, television, internet at my fingertips, or convenient grocery stores. My experience was deeply visceral, and felt through each pore in my body whether I wanted it to or not. And really I don't regret a moment of it. For better or for worst its transformed the person I was into who I now am. Really I am trying to stay focused when people complain about their work related problems and act like having a job doesn't beat abject poverty or the fear that their children will go hungry that night. I fall into a frustrated stated when I'm told my view on prostitution is misconstrued when most have had zero exposure to it, or how pets are cared for better than many of the children in my village, or how much waste is produced unconsciously by people. I am still wrapping my head around these industrialized versus developing nation differences. I'm trying to figure out ways to healthfully cope with all that I've seen and experienced and now being here. What I've learned though is that all things take time which is what I'm relying on to help me make sense of it all. Peace Corps had warned us that coming back was going to be harder than leaving. I'm starting to believe this now.
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